The instant the bell rings, the daily dual sensation of satisfaction and unease sweeps over me. On one hand, I get to go home! On the other hand, I have to make my way home.

As the teacher starts to dismiss us, I quickly start to pack away my pencil case and books as everyone else breaks into idle chit-chat. I keep my eye on the door at the back of the class, waiting for someone to be the first to leave. My bag’s all packed now: damn I went too fast. Now people might pick up that I’m weirdly waiting for someone else to go before I can leave. But if I got up and left now, they’d all think I was too eager. Someone might say something. What can I do? I grip the strap of my bag a bit harder as I wait. Luckily I’m not sitting next to anyone, so nobody’s picked up on my situation. Come on, why is it taking everyone so long? I feel like I’ve been waiting almost a minute, but nobody’s left yet! People aren’t even talking anymore. And… they’re not moving, either…

Ah. Of course.

I focus, and with that the Dilation breaks and the hustle and bustle of the classroom turns back on. That’s pretty bad, how long was I in there? I don’t even remember the point at which the noise died out, so I assume I must have entered it gradually.

I can feel vibrations in the ground, indicating the movement of all the students in all the other classes. A knot of tension starts to tie itself in my stomach and chest – if I leave it much longer, I’ll be stuck in the daily rush. Well, I mean, if it comes to that then I can just head to the library for half an hour, but why should I have to delay my plans for this evening for something so trivial? Hang on, I’m breathing too hard, I need to go before people notice. But then what if…

I exhale, and as I do the world slowly begins to roll to a stop. Before my eyes, the girls in the back row transition from animated, excitable gossiping to a pair of frozen figures, one with their mouth still hung open in mid-speech. I time the end of the Dilation such that the second hand of the clock above the door gets to the nearest number, just to look more satisfying. I notice that the girls have brought their bags up on top of the tables, but don’t appear to be in the process of standing up. Surely it’s been long enough that nobody could possibly think I’m being over-eager for leaving now? And if I got up smoothly and walked over, the girls won’t get up before I get there, so it’s not like I’ll bump into them.

But wait, what about the other direction? I need to look in front of me to make sure nobody is about to walk past, lest I stand up into them! Okay, very well.

Slowly, motion returns to the girls in the back of the class as they resume their loud discussion, accompanied by all the other people in the room talking as well. I quickly turn my head before triggering another full Dilation. The other half-dozen rows of desks before me are all occupied: nobody’s up yet. Why? Does nobody have anywhere else to be? They’re all leaning over between the tables, frozen in conversation. Anyway, it gives me the opportunity to go. I don’t think they’ll notice me – at least, nobody’s looking my way now.

I break the Dilation, and the sounds and movements of the class commence again. As smoothly as I can I stand, turn, and start to walk as I slide my arms through the straps of my backpack. As I clear the last desk, the breath I didn’t realise I had been holding escapes. Quickly I reach the door, and now I’m in the corridor. Thank goodness, it looks like the other classes near me aren’t all dismissed yet! I’m speeding up now, my hands tightly gripping the backpack straps.

I clear a few more doors, and as more people pool into the corridors I’m able to outpace the few in front of me. Finally I reach the school entrance pass through outside.

My heart plummets, and everything stops. Before me is the large, densely packed mob of students I was sure I was racing ahead of. The entrance to the school overlooks a large field, bounded on three sides by walls of the school itself. When the bell rings it starts filling up as friends coordinate to meet up, or club members congregate around external doors. But with this many people… a few classes must have been let out early!

This is a nightmare – I know that if I hadn’t triggered the Dilation by myself, it would have happened automatically by now. I can’t go back – not only because I’m sure that the density of the people in the hallways is too high for me to sensibly walk through, but the people I had outpaced might have a laugh at me. “Where were you in a rush to, Igelet?”. “Did you forget something?”.

But the idea of going forward fills me with just as much dread. Right now everyone is fixed in place. Whilst some people are clearly mid-step, others are harder to determine. A picture of a car doesn’t tell you how fast it’s going, does it? Whilst I can see the path required to pass through the forest of students, the instant I end the Dilation to move, the path will be swallowed up in a wave of chaos. No, this is the exact sort of scenario in which my ability cannot help me. And I understand myself – it will be impossible for me to do this without triggering the Dilation at least a few times. And in the time it takes me to calm down from whatever triggered it, I’ll have forgotten all the trajectories of the people around me, and I will panic, and trigger the Dilation again. How long am I going to spend in my own head before I can get home today?

I take a few 'minutes' to calm myself. Look, there’s a natural break in the density of people over there – I should be able to get relatively far into the crowd before it seals up. That should minimise my time in the squall. I take a mental deep breath, and break the Dilation.

I want to run, but I know that would just draw attention. So I just walk as fast as I can to the opening, and as I enter I feel like I’ve passed into a collapsing cave. The further forward I go, the closer the walls creep towards me. Before I get squashed, I need to find another route… there! I make a 90 degree left turn as a passage opens up. I can feel my spirits lift – it looks like I’ve come across a natural fault line between two groups of people! And it looks like it will get me quite close to the end of the mob! This isn’t so-

The path ahead of me suddenly collapses, and the world freezes again. No, no, this isn’t good. I don’t spot another place to go, this is a dead end. I quickly undo the Dilation and turn before it resumes and my heart sinks. Damn! I hadn’t realised, but the path I had been taken had been closing up behind me. I’m stranded, alone with barely a bag’s width between me and the nearest person.

Okay, okay, okay it’s fine, it’s fine, right? If I just wait here, another crevice should open up that I could worm through.

But, what if someone picks up on it? What if they think I’m being weird, having just moved in quickly just to stand close to them? What if they’re the confrontational type and try and get the crowd against me? What then? There’d be no escape. A burning cold is spreading in my chest and weighing on my stomach – why didn’t I just go to wait in the library?

Hang on, I could try and edge past people. As long as I pick the less confrontational-looking people, I might be okay. It’s not the first thing I would choose, but it’s the lesser of two evils. I focus on the view before me, and try my best to discern details about people from their faces. Which is near-impossible, as half are turned away from me, and the other half are mid-action or mid-conversation. I don’t recognise any of them.

There! A pair of boys, facing each other but each transfixed on their phones. Are they exchanging numbers? Then they won’t be focussing on me much, right?

Okay, that’s my best plan. I take a few more minutes. What if they do say something? How would I respond?

• "Oi, watch it!" – I would mumble an apology and move to the nearest unoccupied space away from them.

• "Hey Igelet, why you so freaked out?" – This would be worse, if they knew me and wanted to be tauntingly mean. Just because I don’t recognise them doesn’t mean they don’t know me, and if they know me then they would bring up this event some other time and I would have to deal with it then. Regardless, I’m sure this is the best choice.

• “Hi, my name’s ___, what’s your name?” – we’re halfway through the school year, so I don’t think anyone’s going to be introducing themselves at this point, right? But if they do, I know the stock response: “Hi, my name’s Igelet Chemsolk, it’s nice to meet you.”. Mum and Dad have drilled that much into me. Then all I need to do is dart away before the conversation can progress any further. Anyway, they’re both mid-phone-activity, so why would they introduce themselves?

Okay, I think that’s the comprehensive list of the most likely outcomes of what they might say. If I try to plan for any more, I’ll just forget the more likely ones or get them mixed up. After a few false starts, I undo the Dilation and everything immediately goes wrong. I hadn’t been looking behind me previously, but the route I had intended to take towards the duo was immediately cut off. Wait… no, this is perfect! A new path has opened, and instinctively I speed through it as fast as I can walk. This is remarkable! It’s taking me further towards the end of the crowd – I can feel the tension in my heart clear as I can see the end of the horde of students before me.

I pick up the pace a little more as I get closer to the exit. I realise the pain I hadn’t registered in my palm is due to my nails from how hard I’m clenching my fist. A few anticipatory breaths, and I’m free! This feels great, and I try my best to keep from grinning ear to ear. The lifting of the weight in my chest always feels euphoric. Though, even as I try to ignore it, a small cold nugget of frustration taints the happiness. Why was I forced to feel like that in the first place?

Having cleared the crowd, the path home is much, much clearer. The space between students and clusters of students is sufficiently large for me to move at my own pace independent of them, so I can slow down a little bit to recover my breath. I bring my hands back up to the straps of my backpack so I don’t accidentally damage myself if I clench my fist again – it concerns Mum when she sees that, after all. But hey, at least I wasn’t scratching my hand this time! I hadn’t even realised, but that’s quite the bit of development, right? Not that I understand why she was so upset about it – I didn’t do it hard enough to leave a mark or anything – but it seemed to worry her so I’ve tried to stop myself from doing it. And here I didn’t even have to think about not doing it. I think she’ll be happy when I tell her that.

Luckily, my home is on the less densely populated side of town, so as I walk there are less and less people around me. I like to think as I walk, but at the same time I’m not really thinking of anything. What books will I read tonight? It’s been a while since I’ve read my favourite series, so I think I’ll clear them all tonight. Nestled in the corner of the room on my bed, covers over me and pillows supporting my back - just the thought sends a wave of tranquillity over me. I feel like a fish returning back to water after having been stranded on a sunny beach.

“Hey, Igelet, how you doing?” a voice calls out from behind me. My heart stops, as does everything else.

Who? Who could that possibly be? Nobody I know lives this far out here, do they? I’ve walked this path hundreds of times, and by now the only person I would see is someone several years above me. But the voice – the person, I mean – knows me, so is it someone in my class? I don’t recall the voice, but it’s definitely a boy.

Whoever it is sounds close, as though only a few steps behind me. So close! Why? Do they want to talk? Did I do anything noteworthy today he could make fun of?

Hang on! If he’s close, then there’re another possibility. He could just be naturally walking faster than me! Therefore, if I just stay to the side, he ought to pass along by, right? I have to answer his question, of course, but that’s easy. His question could have just been a polite way of asking me to move out of the way! Yes! Okay, calm down, calm down, this should be easy. Slowly, I undo the-

Wait! But what if this isn’t the case? What if he really does want to talk? I’m 5 minutes from home, could I hold out that long? Probably, but even then I do find that sometimes people stop talking to me in a shorter time than I usually worry about. It will be fine, Igelet, just remember that you’ll be home soon. Remember your bed!

Slowly, I undo the Dilation. Carefully, casually, I turn my head to see who it was, but before I know it two boys wearing my school’s uniform walk past my right. Thank god, they’re together! This changes everything – they were just warning that they were there! They didn’t want to properly engage with me. Though, I suppose I still ought to answer unless they pick up on my silence and take offence.

“Yeah, you?”

DAMN.

The boys instantly freeze in place along with me. Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn. That was wrong, wasn’t it? They asked ‘how you doing?’ not ‘you alright?’. My answer made no sense, it’s stupid, I’m stupid. They’re going to say something, aren’t they? Do they look aggressive? From my perspective I can only see the backs of their heads, but I don’t get a sense that they’re the sort to get angry… no, that’s just what I hope. I have no idea. One’s head is leaning towards the other, as though turning and speaking to his friend.

What will I say when they mention my mistake? Can I play it off as a joke? I can’t simply ignore them – they can stop and I’ll have to walk past them. Wait, that’s an idea! If they say something, I can just pretend that I forgot something at school? Or that I missed a turn earlier? Yeah, then I’d be able to backtrack, and come back when they’re gone! That plan has a risk, though – what if they pick up on what I’m doing?? If they pick up on something so strange, I can imagine them bringing it up in public whilst waiting for a lesson, inviting the entire class to laugh at me. I cannot risk that. So I need to sell it properly… I know there’s a turning just a few metres behind me – could I pretend as though I had lost track of where I was going? That might explain why my answer was wrong, too. I can just claim to have been ‘out of it’.

Okay, okay, okay, this is salvageable. Ending Dilation in 3…2…1…

The world cranks back into motion as I finish the step I was halfway through taking, and the boys continue to go on. I subtly slow my pace to give them more space, and I realise that I’m scratching the back of my left hand. Frustrated, I force them both into my pockets, bunched into fists, as I wait on them to call me out.

Now they’re 2 metres away.

Now 5.

10…

15. A soothing wave of elation washes over my chest as I release my held breath – they didn’t pick up on it! They weren’t listening! Thank goodness! It really was just an ‘Excuse me’ type of greeting!

I’m smiling. There’s more of a bounce in my step. I’m a mere few minutes from a lovely weekend, and there are no more obstacles in my way! Wait, I forgot… as it’s the end of the school week, that means we’re having rice! My favourite! I can feel the muscles in my face tighten as my grin grows out of control.

What a great day!